The “WHY,”“WHAT,” and the “HOW”

This is a bit of an introduction
to the process, reasoning,
an outline of what to expect
in the event that no one
has ever taken the time
to outline what a
Custody Evaluation involves,
how it is done, who does it, and why they can do it,
Explaining it to you in this way
might help ease some of the stress,
may reveal some hard truths
and may help as a guide
to how to proceed.

Unlike the Biblical story
of King Solomon, offering to cut
the child in half
trying to satisfy the two mothers
who argued over who the baby belonged to,
cutting your child(ren) in “half”
is not an option for the Court.
When two parties cannot sit down
in a collaborative agreement
to co-parent,
you hand over the decision-making
to the legal system,
which, metaphorically, unlike attempting an operation
with a scalpel,
you are choosing to do it
with a chainsaw.

Custody Evaluations are intrusive;
they require evaluating
a lot of personal information
but necissary for the Court
to make the best possible decision
in the best interest of the child(ren).

People ask me all the time
if I’m an Optimist or a Pessimist.
I’m a Realist,
and I don’t back down from the
“hard” conversations either.

So, we’re going to talk about
some of the HARD TRUTHS
you need to consider
A Custody Evaluation can run from $3,000.00 to $20,000, depending on the amount of litigation.
Can you represent yourself?
YES
but the TRUE question is, 
SHOULD you?

Family Law is by far one of the most complicated areas of Law to practice.

And I cannot emphasize this enough.
Representation by an
EXPERIENCED Family Law Attorney cannot be replaced!

Your Attorney has the experience, education, and training
to “speak” the language of the Court
and knows the intricacies involved
in timelines, motions, litigation,
and discovery.

Indeed, attorneys are expensive,
but that stands to reason:
Their education and training are extensive and expensive as well.
The Legal System is the
most intricate Tangled Web
you will ever wander into.

However, when choosing
how to you approach your
experience in Court,
It would be good to know s
ome statistical facts.

Only about 4% of Pro se plaintiffs
win judgments in Court
against a represented party
as compared to 14% of Pro se defendants against individuals represented by an attorney.

THIS IS NOT SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO ATTEMPT
ON YOUR OWN

One of the tools the Court
is that of a Forensic  
Custody Evaluation.

NOW, THE WHAT

Let’s talk about you and Court.

Let me remind you again….
EMOTION HAS NO PLACE
IN THE COURTROOM
Please do NOT overact,
no matter what you hear in Court.

Too many people throw their cases
right into the fire
because they cannot let their love
for their child(ren)
outweigh their bitterness or hate
for the other party.

The truth is
if you could communicate
calmly and  successfully
You wouldn’t be reading this now.

The Court is not interested
in how you or the other party
feel about each other,
The Court recognizes
that both parties are invested
enough to want to litigate
for the custody of the child(ren).

Custody Evaluations are NOT
about the circumstances
that contributed to the end
of the relationship.
That relationship is over,
and the Court looks to
the extent of both parties to put the welfare of the child(ren) first
and decide how to work cooperatively
to co-parent them.

Your role is to be authentic,
redible, and likable.

The Judge did not become a judge
“out of the blue.”
In most cases, they have practiced
in Family Court themselves
and hear many cases daily,
dozens every week, hundreds
if not thousands a year.
They have seen it all.

A Custody Evaluator
looks for patterns of behavior
and recognizes when each party
tries to “best.” the other party
rather than co-parent.
As much as you might believe
your case is “different” or unique
professionals have repeatedly seen it.

In a Custody Evaluation,
nobody is found innocent or guilty.
And you were the ones
who invited the Court’s involvement
because, between the two of you,
you could not find a way to compromise
for the sake of your child(ren).
And when all the dust clears
after a great financial
and emotional cost,
you will still have to co-parent.

In a Custody Evaluation,
you fight to prove
you are the better parent
and know what is “best”
for the child(ren).
But then, so is the other party.

A parent who is unwilling
to cooperate with the other parent
or consistently try to undermine
and badmouth the other parent
in front of the child(ren)
are less likely to receive
custody rights. 
And say what you like;
the fact that you are
in front of the Court
in the first place is a red flag
that you do not know how
or will not co-parent in a manner
that respects the other party’s rights, wants, needs, or desires
regarding your child(ren).

Right now, in the eyes of the Court,
the score is zero to zero.

A Custody Evaluation
is one of the most
emotionally charged experiences
anyone in a Family Court experience
(sometimes even more
than a divorce).
A divorce or separation
is like the “death” of a relationship.

And here is another “hard truth”.

ALL marriages/relationships end
either through divorce or death.
Relationships end all the time,
and every day you spend IN a relationship is a  “choice”.
something that you must get up
every day and commit to
(Even those days,
you can look at someone and say,
“You can be the most aggravating person on the face of the Earth,
but if I had the whole world
to choose from, I’d still choose you.”)

until one day, that changes.
Someone (or both)
no longer wants to “choose.”
It does not really matter why,
NOT to the Court.
Texas is a “no-fault” State.
You are both adults.
It is just not about you or them
NOT anymore.
In most cases, the end of the relationship is emotional and chaotic-
but it is NOT the end of your story.
It is the end of the chapter.
You, and you alone, decide
how the rest of the story goes.

When it comes to custody,
no one gets to choose their role.
You and the other party
are already co-parents.
with equal rights to their child(ren)
as well as equal obligations
You cannot change that now.
That will NOT change for the rest of your child(ren) ‘s life/lives.
The only thing you can choose now
is “how” you will co-parent,
and the Court
is only interested in that.

Children have no choice.
They did not have any input
over who their mother or father
would be.
You did.
If you now believe
you chose unwisely,
that is on you, not them.
Unless you make it their problem,
and frankly,
if you can’t accept that,
it will only hurt your case
and your child(ren).

Children have a right
to have a relationship
with BOTH of their parents,
which the other parent
does NOT influence.

The  Court will weigh in on how
the former partners
can put aside their feelings
toward the other and co-parent
in the child(ren)’s best interest,
emotionally and psychologically,
for their safety and
quality of life going forward.

Specifically, the results of a
Forensic Evaluation will result in a detailed report
that offers recommendations, direction, and guidance
relative to the parent
that the Evaluator finds
should be afforded medical, educational, legal and/or
residential Custody of the child(ren).

During the evaluation process,
the Evaluator will meet
with each parent individually
 each parent,along with the child(ren),
with the child(ren) individually
(if age appropriate)

 ANOTHER HARD TRUTH:

It is important to have this
conversation with you.
Whether it is done consciously
or unconsciously
Parent alienation
is considered Child Abuse 
So, think carefully
and be honest with yourself.
Do you know if the things
you want to include in the evaluation are actually 100% true?
Or are they representative
of your perception,
colored by your emotions?

An Evaluator must be able
to prove anything alleged.

If you are alleging the other party
is abusive or neglectful?
Chances are,
TDPRS will document
if they have received reports

Excessive reports made to TDPRS
that are NOT substantiated
can indicate a
malicious use of the system
to impact the other party’s
parental rights
and relationship to the child(ren)

Tread carefully though
The other “side” of that coin
is that if you continue
to keep your child(ren)
exposed to an abuser,
you can be charged with
“failure to protect.”
And that is equally chargeable
as neglect and child endangerment.

It’s similar to Police Reports-
if you want to include them
you must supply hard copies
during the Evaluation.
Keep in mind
that anyone can make a “call.”
it’s not the same
as a validated report.
An experienced Evaluator
will read them thoroughly
before including them.  

NOW THAT WE’VE TALKED
ABOUT THE WHAT,
Let us talk about the “WHO”. 

In a Court-ordered evaluation,
neither the parties nor even the child(ren) is the client.
The Court is the client
and holds the privilege.

Most, if not all,
Custody Evaluators are
Mental Health Professionals.
However, their work with you
is NOT therapeutic.
A Forensic Child Custody Evaluation
is an in-depth analysis and report
from a Licensed  professional
that provides detailed
psychological and social information about each family member
regarding their respective roles
in the parent-child relationship.

Not just any  professional
qualifies to be an Evaluator.
Evaluators require specialized training and years of proven experience.

One identifiable issue
is that it can be difficult
to remain completely unbiased
when you only “hear” one side.

That’s a struggle therapists
have when they don’t have
specialized training.
Regardless of whether
you have an opinion,
it cannot impact the Evaluation

It takes a particular skill to see the difference between each party’s perspective and Reality.

An Evaluator must hold,
at a minimum,
a master’s degree in their field,
whether it be in psychology,
social work, or psychiatry—
(a Ph.D. is preferable)
where a significant part
of their work specializes
in the legal aspects of family law- divorce, child custody, or parenting.
Just as it’s important
to have an Attorney
who specializes in Family Law,
It’s important to have an Evaluator
who has gone above and beyond
in their training.
The desired candidate
will have training in the
forensic aspects of an evaluation.

To become licensed,
a Mental Health professional
must successfully undergo
a period of supervision
under a qualified supervisor. 
A Custody  Evaluator
must for at least two (2) years
and turned in no less than ten (10) court-ordered evaluations
while under supervision.

And now the “HOW”

A Forensic Evaluator
will review the information
provided by
reviewing various documents,
conducting parent/child interviews, and information gathered
from collaboration
with various third parties, such as
schools, therapists, doctors,
relatives, etc.  

The Evaluator’s purpose
is to provide accurate information from the parties and follow a format set out by the State
in reporting to  the Court
that can be used to determine the
Custody/Visitation arrangements
in the best interest of the child(ren)

when the valuation is performed.
Custody Evaluations can take
months to complete and, on rare occasions, even years.
What is valid during the evaluation could change over time.
(On occasion,
psychological testing if is merited
to document potential
mental health issues
that might come into play.

Full Psychological testing
can significantly increase the costs
of a Custody Evaluation
and is not always
a necessary component,

The terms of the Evaluation Order
will specify the amount
each party will be responsible for.
Usually ( but not always),
it is divided into a percentage.

The Evaluation begins
when the fees are paid
IN FULL to the Evaluator.
(see payment link for details)